I’m nearing the end of my marriage enrichment class. I’ve taught 5 out of our 6 sessions. This coming weekend we’ll have a Q&A session. Then in December we wrap things up with lesson 6. The discussion has been great every week.
Here are a few more quotes from one of the sources I’m using, Empowering Couples. Thoughts to chew on over Thanksgiving…
One study found that single mothers spend an average of 16 hours per week on chores while married mothers spend an average of 20 per week (Thornton, 1997). This has caused some researchers to conclude that, for many husbands, their major contribution toward the household is to create more mess. Women who “do it all” tend to suffer from chronic exhaustion, have a low sex drive, and get sick more frequently. The result is that both partners forfeit their health, happiness, and often the vitality of their marriage. (Empowering Couples, p. 73)
According to a survey of 21,501 couples, 84% of couples report that having children has reduced marital satisfaction. (EC, p. 160)
Researchers often find higher levels of marital satisfaction in child-free marriages than in marriages with children. However, this difference is not significant with parents who get along well and have a strong commitment to co-parenting. (EC, p. 165)
Many of us in the class have grown up with one parent doing most of the “parenting,” so it was good for us to discuss ways to shift towards a co-parenting style where both mom and dad are involved in disciplining, communicating, caring, etc.
What do you think of these stats?
Hmm … they seem to say that it’s better for women to remain single because husband and kids only add grief?
So it seems like Paul was right when he recommended that Christians remain single? Ha!
Comment by Jack Chan — November 20, 2006 @ 6:48 pm
Sounds like an interesting book. After looking at the stats of married women who do so much (having primary responsibility of taking care of the household and raising the children), I wonder what people who believe the role of women is to remain in the home think about this?
I’ve told John dozens of times that I think I would fall apart (literally) if I had to take care of Caleb on my own, do all the cleaning, and all the cooking. During the first two months of Caleb’s life, I had some postpartum depression and if it weren’t for John, waking up with me to feed Caleb, changing his diapers and putting him down for a nap, I would still be in depression now (thus, we may not be very happily married today).
Parenting with John has brought me great fulfillment of our union in marriage. As God has entrusted a precious life in our hands, we’ve become dependent on one another in a way that we wouldn’t ever be, if we were childless. This has given us greater intimacy, greater dependency on the Lord, and deeper love for each other.
Comment by Grace Lin — November 21, 2006 @ 5:05 am
hey, how did i write a post already? HA! just kidding. it’s always weird to see someone else with my maiden name. makes me do a double take.
anyway, i think the stats of being more satisfied with marriage sans kids is somewhat true. i often think back to easier times with victor… about how care free they were. all we really had to think about was ourselves. it was fun.
but there’s immense joy in caring for and loving a child too. and our relationship has grown in very different, much more selfless ways.
in terms of co-parenting, i think that times are changing. gone are the days when dads only provide the bacon and moms only care for the home. there seems to be a trend where dads are getting increasingly involved in their kids lives: doing diaper duty, taking the kids out to the park, etc. there’s baby gear made with dads in mind (like strollers, diaper bags, etc.). There are even huge blogrings like “Daddy Types” of “professional” dad bloggers. I doubt that people in my dad’s generation would’ve ever thought there would be such a shift.
But perhaps it’s because so many of these men grew up without their fathers around that they cherish their time with their kids more and want to reverse the trend. (at least in our case, that seems to be true.)
Comment by grace chiao — November 21, 2006 @ 8:51 am
ooooh, fascinating. I’m going to look into that book.
Comment by Karen C. Jing — November 23, 2006 @ 10:24 pm
awwww…the last 2 stats are sad.
Comment by jenni — November 25, 2006 @ 1:25 am
as a single guy, i am already a little afraid of kids. these stats don’t help!!!
Comment by Scott J — December 8, 2006 @ 3:49 pm