theothegrey

I’m nearing the end of my marriage enrichment class. I’ve taught 5 out of our 6 sessions. This coming weekend we’ll have a Q&A session. Then in December we wrap things up with lesson 6. The discussion has been great every week.

Here are a few more quotes from one of the sources I’m using, Empowering Couples. Thoughts to chew on over Thanksgiving…

One study found that single mothers spend an average of 16 hours per week on chores while married mothers spend an average of 20 per week (Thornton, 1997). This has caused some researchers to conclude that, for many husbands, their major contribution toward the household is to create more mess. Women who “do it all” tend to suffer from chronic exhaustion, have a low sex drive, and get sick more frequently. The result is that both partners forfeit their health, happiness, and often the vitality of their marriage. (Empowering Couples, p. 73)

According to a survey of 21,501 couples, 84% of couples report that having children has reduced marital satisfaction. (EC, p. 160)

Researchers often find higher levels of marital satisfaction in child-free marriages than in marriages with children. However, this difference is not significant with parents who get along well and have a strong commitment to co-parenting. (EC, p. 165)

Many of us in the class have grown up with one parent doing most of the “parenting,” so it was good for us to discuss ways to shift towards a co-parenting style where both mom and dad are involved in disciplining, communicating, caring, etc.

What do you think of these stats?

Over the last few weeks I’ve been teaching a class on marriage. Yesterday morning we were on the topic of leadership and roles. We had a lot of discussion about traditional roles, biblical roles, leadership, women in the work place, and more. According to one of the sources I’m using for the class, Empowering Couples, the topic of leadership and roles is the top “stumbling block” for couples today. I wish we had another hour for the class. Participation was high, we had different viewpoints, and I think people were really thinking. Controversy is fun in the classroom.

A couple of quotes from the book caught my attention.

Studies indicate that many unhappy couples stay married. In examining different marriage types, Fowers and Olson (1993) found that couples who have a more traditional marriage (strong religious views, traditional role allocation, and high agreement in children and parenting and religion) were less happily married than any other marriage type yet were least likely to divorce. p.5

The second most important category distinguishing happy and unhappy couples is couple flexibility. Couple flexibility reflects the capacity of a couple to change and adapt when necessary. p.10

The book isn’t advocating a marriage without roles. I’m not sure it’s possible. The authors are pointing out that happy couples have the capacity to switch roles when necessary.